a painful reality

Goodbye's hurt. I knew that and have experienced that in several capacities before arriving in Malawi...but I think i am experiencing it in a whole new realm...no i dont think..i know this for a fact. It is strange, surreal, moving, emotional, exhausting and life-changing. My mind is very much 'all over the place.' It's a total rollercoaster....chatting online on tuesday night with one of your best friends in the states and discussing just how soon you will see them when you land in MS, then going the very next morning and saying about 30+ goodbyes, to continue the mind-boggling list of packing essentials. What?! Excitement to bittersweet-ness.
To put it into perspective...Last week I was discussing with a full-time missionary family, whether or not one of the (ridiculously talented) musical groups at the college actually recorded. He said no that the recording is just not good enough. He then said that it's not something you can record and then play again in the states. It wont sound the same to the ear and heart when back in the States. He said "you literally have to take it in your memory and heart." Pretty good explanation. Not to sound self-righteous or 'no one can understand'...just that it s hard to explain in words.

pictures

what will you tell them...

With just over a week left in Malawi, my head and heart are full of emotions...ironically they are all contradictory emotions...Very ready to see friends and family...and ready to start school, yet not ready to say goodbye to friends and 'family' life here.  I have never had this kind of pull before.  As one missionary friend here said (seeing just how teary I was last Friday), "Caroline, you dont have to leave!"  

These last few days have been great...with less and less teaching.  I am ready for the year to be over in that sense.  It is strange thinking of packing and confirming the flight home, yet exciting in the same way.  Like I said...contradictory feelings.

I know I havent blogged in forever...i quickly realized it was getting harder and harder to not only keep up but to put into words all that was going on.  I cant wait to see many of you.  Hard to believe it s been about a year since Rachel and I first came.  As one friend recently said, "How will you ever begin to describe the experience you have had in Malawi?" Not sure that I ever will...